How You Age Is Up To You: The Choices that Shape Your Future

One of the most satisfying aspects of creating this newsletter is the chance to collaborate with people I love and admire. This month, I’m especially delighted to feature a piece from one of my friends I love the most—Kendra Kovacik.

Kendra and I met in graduate school while working as TAs for the brilliant professor, Edward Schneider, MD.

From the very beginning, she struck me as someone with quiet power and extraordinary competence. But one of the things I love most about Kendra is her gift for asking thoughtful, incisive questions—the kind that gently shift your perspective or nudge you toward action. She’s shown me time and again that a well-placed question can be far more effective than a statement when it comes to making real progress.

Kendra is a Registered Nurse, holds a Master of Science in Gerontology, and is the founder of Aevum Advantage — a company dedicated to helping older adults age well in their own homes. She lives in Calgary, Alberta with her husband, their absolutely delightful three-year-old daughter, and their Irish Wolfhound/Poodle mix, Fred — bringing the same thoughtfulness and care to her family life as she does to her work in aging.

How You Age Is Up To You

Kendra Kovacik, RN, MSG

If you sit down and imagine your ideal aging experience, what does it look like?

Hearing the word “aging” often makes stomachs clench.

The North American stereotypical signs of aging including gray hair and wrinkles are often considered a sign of possible dependency on others.

Dependency. Another word that causes the throat to tighten.

It is short-sighted to think that “aging” begins when physical changes become visible, when, in fact, we are aging from the moment we are born. It could be argued that aging is really just another word for living.

How you age is up to you.

The aging experience is driven by human behavior and external environments — not exclusively by DNA. In fact, studies have shown that genetics contribute only one-third of a person’s aging experience. The daily choices people make have a much larger influence on how they live and age. Some of the most influential choices include what one eats, where and how one sleeps and how one spends one’s time and money.

Cultural expectations and social pressures push many people through the first two-thirds of life – grade school, post-secondary education, establishment of a career, marriage, family and retirement by 65. Once retirement hits, the roller coaster that has been traveling at 75 mph for many comes to a screeching halt and you sit there, unsure of what to do next.

Many people who have not prepared in advance for this transition, just let life happen to them and wait for the inevitable “aging beast” to grab hold of them and dictate how life will be lived.

The value society places on youthfulness, cultural beliefs surrounding aging and facing our own mortality often prevents us from making plans and setting aging goals.

Ideally, planning for your ideal last third of life should begin early and be an ongoing process which will allow you to continue to be the driver of your aging journey.

Living and aging with forethought can include setting aging goals and proactively taking action.

We have financial planners to create and achieve financial goals, why aren’t we setting aging goals?

What might an aging goal sound like?

I want to maintain financial security.

I want to maintain physical fitness.

I want to be able to help my children in whatever way they need it.

I want to be engaged with my broader community.

I want to have new experiences — travel, learn, meet new people.

I want to be able to play with my grandchildren at the community park.

I want to age and die in my own home.

Kendra reminds us that aging well isn’t a matter of luck or genetics alone—it’s a process we can approach with curiosity and intention. And it often begins with a question.

So Ask Yourself:

What do I want the last third of my life to look like?

What matters most to me as I age?

What steps can I take today to support the life I hope to live tomorrow?

These are not questions to fear — they are invitations. Invitations to reflect, to plan, and to act with intention. Because aging isn’t something that simply happens to us. It’s something we do, every day.